i’ve always been shy.

“A deal of the world’s sound happiness is lost through Shyness. We have all of us seen instances. They often occur between members of the same family, the very similarity of nature, which might make mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, into closest companions, merely doubling the dose of that terrible reserve, timidity, horror of human contact,paralysis of speech, which keeps the most loving hearts asunder. It is useless to console ourselves by saying that each has its own love of the other. And thus they walk, sometimes side by side, never looking in one another’s eyes, never saying the word, till death steps in, death sometimes unable to loosen the tongue of the mourner…. But the same will happen between lovers, or those who should have been such; doubt of one’s own feeling, fear of the other’s charity, apprehension of its all being a mistake, has silently prevented many a marriage. The two, then, could not have been much in love? Not in love, since neither ever allowed that to happen, more’s the pity; but loving one another with the whole affinity of their natures, and, after all, being in love is but the crisis, or the beginning of that, if it’s worth anything .”

-Vernon Lee, from an essay “Limbo”

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